Instagram is CRUSHING your self esteem!
This read (4-6 minutes) is from my wife so you better read or you’ll be in trouble 😂
Just recently I have been trying to think about my body in a different way to how I always have done. Its really difficult to change how you feel about yourself when it has been engrained for so long that ‘you’re not quite good enough’.
I have pretty much loathed how I have looked for a long time.
Spanning back to my young teens, when my nose was far to wide for my face and my hair was never as blonde or as thick as I wanted it.
Then came the boobs. The boobs that never stopped growing. From being a small A cup at 11 to being a C cup at 13, to then being a H cup by 19, they were pretty much the bane of my life throughout my teens.
Next were my ears. I’ve always thought they stuck out, and still have a little hang up on them. I think they angle out at the top, which combined with fine hair, isn’t a good look when my hair is tied back tight. I continuously said I wanted them pinned back as a child.
My weight absolutely ballooned the second my friends learned to drive and alcohol was introduced to my life. Since then, it has been a small battle, so I would say since 15 years old I’ve not been happy with my weight.
My hair being fine, means I always want extensions. I have had them on and off since the age of 20 and it makes my hair feel even worse when they are gone as I have been used to having so much hair.
I wish my nose wasn’t so straight. I know this sounds silly, but I would quite like a little ski slope nose, that gives me a better side profile. I would never be brave enough to change such a big thing on my face though.
My teeth have never been white enough. I have perfectly straight big teeth, after 2.5 years of having a brace on. I have bought pearl drops toothpaste forever, which doesn’t hugely work. I then found out about whitening strips and have never looked back. Typical me though, they are never quite white enough and I would like them whiter.
I started having Botox a year ago, in my forehead and I love it. It lifts my eyebrows slightly and stops lines when I smile, although I would quite like under my eyes to not move now as well.
I now would like my lips filled. This is purely so that I feel better without make up on. I would like to look prettier without making an effort myself. It would mean I don’t need to worry with lipliner & lipstick to make my lips look bigger, meaning I would look better immediately without trying.
Thinking back, I’m trying to think of all the reason’s I maybe feel like this about myself. Being 33 years old, social media wasn’t a thing growing up for me. I dread to think how bad my thoughts would be if it had of been. My school friends were all slim attractive girls, who got a lot of attention from boys…… I didn’t. They were the typical ‘popular group’ and I question if I really fitted into that group. I think the boobs probably knocked my confidence quite a bit as I could never wear the clothes I wanted to because of them, therefore could never express myself fully with what I wanted to wear.
Any boys I liked, usually fancied one of my friends & it’s something I came to realise was the way life was for me. I was always the friend, never the girlfriend, something which is difficult in your teenage years.
Boys were particularly mean in teen years. I remember one boy changing the words to a song, blatantly about me, standing right behind me. He changed to words to “your face looks like its been hit by a shovel”. He sang this over and over again, with all the other boys laughing. I stood there and pretended I couldn’t hear it, but I could. Why did I let this person bother me? Especially as I wouldn’t have given him a second look anyway! Yet things go in, when you don’t realise they are bothering you and they rear their head later.
Why am I telling you all this I hear you ask? I think this is what the media does to us on a daily basis, without any of us realising its so damaging.
Even at my age, I am obsessed with looking at Instagram pages of girls showing make up tutorial’s, or fitness video’s and do you know what………… all the girls look the same! They have outrageously long big hair, perfectly bundled on top of their heads, or trailing down their backs. They have huge eyelashes, with precise contour and highlight make up. Their lips give Kylie Jenner a run for their money and they are all THIN.
I saw an Instagram post the other day which has kind of sparked me to write this. It read:
‘You know when you stare at a word for so long it starts to not look like a word anymore, like something is wrong with it?
I think this is the same thing girls do to their bodies’.
I think this is the truest thing I have read in a long time. I look in the mirror and the longer I look, the more things I notice that are wrong with me or things that I could change about myself.
I currently wear a size 10 uk clothing size, yet I feel huge. I have back fat which drives me mad and I would do anything to change my weight. I’ve even contemplated not eating. Maybe living on one meal a day. I would be sure to lose weight on so little calories. But then I remember I love food and I hate feeling hungry, so that won’t work. But maybe if I get through the initial hunger pangs and grit my teeth, I could do it?
I look at pictures of girl after girl who have the body I would love. If so many of them can do it, why can’t I? I must be lazy and have no self-control.
I genuinely think i’m very plain looking, a bit pasty with too many freckles. I don’t mind my face when I have spent an hour getting ready, with make up to enhance everything I have & contour make up to slim my nose, but on a day to day basis, I don’t think there is anything nice about me.
I look at pictures of girls who are on the beach, no make up, sun-kissed skin & blonde hair and they look perfect. I couldn’t look like that even if I tried for 3 hours.
I’ve started to think, if I was that awful, I wouldn’t have a husband & he’s all that matters. Do I care if anybody else finds me attractive? Not really. Don’t get me wrong, everyone likes to be flattered with compliments, which I do receive, just unfortunately mine are from pervy old guys!
I have been a lot bigger than I am now and if I was the size I am now for the rest of my life, would I be happy? Maybe if I had my morning body for the rest of my life I could be! 🙂
Looking at the Instagram pictures of girls, who lets face it are probably 17 years old, without a care in the world and certainly no home and child to look after, isn’t helping girls across the world whatsoever.
I think body dysmorphia will be at an all time high if we are not careful. There are so many unrealistic targets for girls to reach to feel that they fit the rules of how a female should look. Yet when you properly look online the girls all resemble each other. Not everyone can look like this and not everybody should.
I am still in the ‘learning to love myself’ phase and as I said, its really hard when you have never been happy with what you see in the mirror.
So far I am at the point of, I’m not ugly & I’m not fat………… I’m me and I’m unique.
I want to lose weight, not to look like I should, but to look how I want to. I’ve learned how to tie up my hair looser, so my ears don’t bother me. I actually wear my hair up most of the time now! And i’m still learning with my face. I’m sure I’ll get there at some point.
I like my smile. I get lots of compliments on my teeth and I think a smile is the best thing a girl can wear. I wouldn’t change my eye’s. They are blue and compliment my blonde hair perfectly!
I would love to hear what other women can say they like about themselves and something they wouldn’t change.
Drop your thoughts in the comments below possibly after you’ve given the post a quick like & share 😘